Intimacy is extremely important to me. Outside of a sexual experience, I absolutely love quality time. I love cuddling and feeling the human touch. I’m realizing that even those who we create the most intimate moments with can only be granted limited access.
If I had it my way, I would be married or at least in a long-term relationship. I love the ability to create memories and bonds with a special someone. So, for the past few days I’ve been on cloud 9, as I do this with someone I’m learning to care about.
The guy I chose to share energy with is a 6’3, college educated, corporate hustlin’, financially stable, good smelling, A-1 stroking nigga with a huge smile. But he is also heavily flawed. Far from a fuck boy but a long way from perfection; however, he gives me a level of intimacy and attention that I desire.
As I explore more of who I am, I’m determining what I need to flow freely in intimate relationships. One thang I was reminded of is that something is truly wrong with all of us. So, take what benefits you & leave the rest.
As I spend time with “MT,” this is what this moment is teaching me:
• His love language (Saying it through touch): We’re long distance. So, FT is our main communication method. He’s a terrible phone person, lmao! But when we’re together, he speaks through physical touch. He likes to kiss, as soon as I get in the bed, he rolls over and will literally spoon me all night.
A year ago, I probably wouldn’t have been aware of his love language or even truly acknowledged it. Because I’m a vocal person, I would’ve discounted his efforts.
After some growth of my own, I realize and respect that everybody ain’t me. So, if I’m gonna get what I want, I have to be open to it coming in different ways.
• Emotional Intelligence & Awareness: He’s pretty aware and has a level of emotionally intelligence that’s not connected to narcissism. We’re able to have conversations and determine a solution. He never yells or dismisses me. MT is also pretty calm, which is something I appreciate.
• Rest in my feminity: This nigga does a pretty good job handling thangs. He’ll give me an update but doesn’t need me to make the decision. With his own money & thinking ability, this allows me to relax & trust that whatever the situation is he can take care of it.
• Some people are strong in multiple areas and totally worthless in others: He’s good at communicating what he needs and being clear on how he feels. What he ain’t so good at is realizing the impact of the decisions he makes that could impact our companionship.
For example, he’ll be vulnerable and tell me how I fucked with his pride or how he didn’t ask me to be a dictator. But he’ll also turn right around a make a terrible decision that’ll result in our vibe being off. Something that could’ve been avoided by communicating.
This is totally normal in dating, but it’s also one of those thangs that make me realize some people just can only do certain shit right. You better hope what they do right is what you need, and what they do wrong you can tolerate.
•People fall short, even after they’ve done a million thangs right–MT is attentive, apologetic, kind, considerate, but fails to measure the risk. That within itself makes me pause.
It’s clear he gives me what I need and is still not necessarily the perfect match. Since I realize that, I let him operate in a capacity that he’ll best excel. If I ever write about us in a relationship, I’d be hella surprise.
He feeds me what I need to remain happy but he also does dumb shit, lmao! The dumb shit is just as important as the good stuff. So, for me, it’s pretty much a deal breaker.
Ultimately, I think if we cut off everybody we’ll have absolutely nobody. For me, putting these niggas in categories and getting what I need, as I need it, works best.
Dealing with people comes with certain levels of BS. Just what level is your cut off determines what you need. For me, MT feels good, until he doesn’t. Then, I go back into my shell, until I need more of what he has. Because he gives me intimacy & companionship, I deal with him more than anyone else. But it’s only so much we can do.
If you ask me, this is the purpose of dating & exploring who you are. I’m not sure how much more I’ll let him jn He’s cool but rubbed me the erYou gotta know when and where to draw the line. But I’m also left wondering is anyone ever truly enough?