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The Moment I Realized I Needed New Friends


It’s not everyday that people are open to new friendships–especially when you’re 31, well-traveled, and experienced in life. By now, you know your core values and have a group of close knit friends. But, every now and again, you may open yourself up to new people and new experiences.

If you know me personally, you know I don’t do new people like talk’n ’bout, and I’m very protective of the friendships that I have. It seems like everyone I love somehow gets taken away from me. So, those that are here I cherish very, very, very much. So, it is so strange to me that I’m now open to new friendships.

One reason is that, my current friendships are cool but not as fulfilling as they once were. Blame it on life, responsibilities, timing, growth, personal needs, or whatever. They’re just not the same. I realized this, as I am now dealing with the ending of a very toxic relationship.

Once I saw that my some of my friends supported me a lot less than people that I haven’t known as long, I knew I needed new friends. I’ll never question their love but I question their emotional support.

Imagine going through a terrible breakup, becoming depressed, and your closest friends know that you’re going through pain but you don’t receive a call or text. They’re completely silent.

You’re thousands of miles away from them or anyone you actually know and your core support system is absent. It’s cold, lonely, depressing, and dark. You have no support, until people you don’t necessarily consider friends start reaching out because they notice you’ve been absent on social media and just want to make sure you’re OK. Imagine that…

It is during this time I realized most of my current friends could no longer support me, in the way I need to be supported. I couldn’t quite understand because I call and check on them, when they’re going through something. So, it not being reciprocated added insult to injury, not to mention one of my now ex-friends actually betrayed me–another story for another day.

This experience allowed me to realize that I was also holding onto friendships that no longer served me in the capacity that I needed them to. It doesn’t erase our history or love we shared. It doesn’t even mean we can’t be friends any longer. But, they could no longer be there for me.

I realize that we must be mindful of what other people are going through. Sometimes you won’t have a lot of support, when going through difficult times. Truth be told, no amount of support makes the pain go away. But, it does remind you that you’re loved. It reminds you that you’re not alone.

Everyone says, “Check on your strong friends.” But, truth be told, ain’t nobody checking on them; at least, not those who should.

I’m not sure if it is the ending to some of my current friendships or just a shift. But, I do know that I have gained three of four new good Judy’s and I am hopeful we will support one another, travel, share laughs, and create memories together. Sometimes that’s all you need.

I’m no longer interested in teaching people how to treat me every time something happens. When it’s time, oh, and my soul knows when it’s time, I’ll simply release them back into the Universe. No harm, all love.

These days, I’m choosing myself first.

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