Peace… I had to find it again. Ever since I moved from Atlanta, GA to Los Angeles, CA, I have been on an emotional & mental rollercoaster. Just when think I
If I can be honest, I completely underestimated this move. Because I have relocated a few times before, I believed this was gon’ be the same as the other times. Chile, I was wrong as two left feet.
With stress of relocating and a few other personal thangs going wrong, I had no choice but to do a staycation for Christmas. While my extended vacay didn’t happen as I planned, but more of a necessity, I am glad to pause life, in order to gain clarity.
Here are a few things I learned about myself:
•I don’t think well in stressful situations. As a matter of fact, I become manic & my compulsive disorder gets the best of me. Instead of resolving an issue, I create more, in addition to what’s already going on.
•As of late, it’s just really hard for me to work through thangs, when I haven’t had a minute to be alone.
I enjoy alone time—almost too much. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden, I’m enjoying not sharing space w/anyone.
To come back to my room and not have to be bothered is such a blessing. Gawd! It feels so damn good.
•I don’t want the stress of being superwoman anymore. If I don’t know, I don’t know. If I can’t, then I can’t.
This has been a huge problem of mine for years and has caused more harm than good. So, I’m over tryna prove I can be everything and anything to everyone because I simply can’t.
•I can advocate for myself. Sometimes we create boundaries for family & friends and they continuously cross them.
For me, I was tired of boundaries being crossed, on a daily basis. I was tired of being unhappy, and sad. Then, I realized that I could advocate for my mental health and well-being. I don’t have to accept anything I don’t want to accept.
•I no longer choose to make decisions out of fear. Fear has wronged me more times than taking risks ever has.
Often times, fear of missing out causes us to settle for whatever we’re getting at the moment. After all, we don’t want to miss out.
Well, because of fear, I have manifested some shit that I no longer enjoy. To ensure that doesn’t continue to happen, I’m standing in my power & truth. My power to change or not accept what I don’t like or want. My truth to be the woman I truly am. No matter if it’s good enough for the next person or not.
I needed this time to re-evaluate some personal thangs & to remind me of my power. Along this journey, I forgot. But, this quiet time has reminded me that I deserve peace, by any means necessary.