There’s a meme circulating FB & it asks would you date a man who makes $15/hr? I said no and folks were clearly bothered by it.
The fact of the matter is if I have a standard, one I meet myself, I should be able to hold that special someone in my life to the same.
Initially, I was surprised at how many people were OK with making $15/hr, at the age of 30+. For me, I’ve obtained a bachelor’s degree, started a business, relocated to LA, and just landed my biggest contract, as a freelancer. So, the thought of anyone being OK with $15/is beyond me.
Men can state a woman bet not be too fat, must have a fat ass; not have kinds; not have too many kids; only have 3 sex partners; keep her nails and toes done weekly, and alluhdat. As soon as I let one expectation I have be known, all of a sudden it’s a problem and I need more understanding…GTFOH!
Let’s do the math.
Working 40 hours/wk(4) is $2400/month before taxes. My rent in LA is $2K. If I lived with someone who only made $2400, I would be paying majority of the bills. This doesn’t include insurance, utilities, or miscellaneous items.
He couldn’t afford to pay anything and actually do thangs for himself. Even if he did pay the rent or we went half on it, I would still have to give him an allowance–haircuts, weed, clothes, gas, and whatever else he likes. This sounds like having a child, not a life partner. But, I’m unreasonable because I don’t want a man, in his 30’s, who makes, $15/hr? Nah, I’m not. I don’t have the capacity to do this again–I just don’t.
When I mentioned this, you had several men who stated that I needed to hang in there. Men with money have issues too. They also stated that I was wrong for wanting someone to assist in maintaining and upgrading my current lifestyle. Here’s what I don’t understand…Neegas tell us to date differently and choose better. We go within, heal, and place boundaries. But, because there’s no room for them to take advantage, manipulate us, we’re still wrong. What the hell? Y’awl want us to do better or not? Seems like doing better is only if you are included. If not, then many Black men ain’t hearing it.
According to data:
“When compared to black men, black women earn 89% of what black men do, and Hispanic women make 86% of what Hispanic men do.” I’m not about to make less than you but still outwork you at the same time.
I am fully aware of the challenges the Black man face in the world. I get it. But, Black women make less, on the dollar, than every other group but are still the most educated and leading group, as it relates to entrepreneurship. So, I need my man to come a lil’ harder than that. Why are we always expected to make the most out of less, while everyone else gets to use these sorry ass excuses?
Women would love to actually build with someone;we love to nurture our men. Hell, we all would love to build. But, at whose expense? The whole time you’re building your mate’s working against you and using their resources somewhere else.
I don’t know not one woman who hasn’t been that ride or die, hold him up, or pull the weight until thangs get better type chick. In fact, every woman I know who has this boundary, has been manipulated, abused, and time wasted because she did just that and nothing worked. The dude was still unappreciative and never did his part.
Not to mention, when we do ‘stand’ by our man, *many* become resentful. All of a sudden, we ain’t sh!t and all we did was show love and loyalty. But, because he is insecure and not living up to his own expectations, his pride just won’t let him accept the fact that somebody actually wants to assist in his journey.
To act like money doesn’t matter at all is simply delusional. You can have all the love in the world, but if money is not there to aide in that expression, the only love you’ll cultivate is an unhealthy cycle of frustrations and making up.
There’s no problem with building, as long as you actually build. Honestly, many of us don’t have time to build from scratch with anyone. We already have tables that may not have a full spread yet. But, the mate must have one too. What happens when you’re depleted? Who gon’ feed y’aw., if he doesn’t have his own table (figuratively, of course)?
I’m not saying this because I think less than or I think men with money have no issue. It’s simply because I’m tired of making exceptions to the rule, only to look stupid in the end. If I meet someone more stable or just as stabled and things do not work out, at least we’ll both have something to lose. I won’t be the only one walking away empty handed.
People place boundaries to protect themselves, after something has occurred that made them feel unsafe. Many of us no longer have the capacity for this struggle love BS, especially after 30+. If you can’t or don’t understand, then don’t approach women who feel like this. Date within your network. It’s that simple.
Sis, if you pride yourself on struggling and holding yo man up for years, while getting beat down emotionally and financially, go right ahead…carry that torch. But for me, I’ll rather wait ’til you groom his ass and continue the race, when he leaves you. Let’s be honest, we all know that’s essentially what happens. #wheredemracksat