New Relationships 

Managing my Emotions & Expectations While Dating Multiple People

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I talk a lot about serial dating. Mostly, it’s about not being overly invested. Up until a few months ago, I didn’t like anyone enough to invest anythang. But then, I met a man who I really vibe with & he put my boundaries to the true test.

We vibe and enjoy each other. For the most part, it’s a fairly easy interaction. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had a disagreement here or there, but we both believe in open and honest communication, which is half the battle. Here we are, about 4 months later, still enjoying one another.

Obviously the more time you spend with someone you develop a connection with them. You both show more vulnerability and a deeper look into your personality. With more vulnerability, comes more responsibility.

The key is to manage your emotions & not be so far in that being able to manage them is impossible to do.

Here are 6 thangs I do to keep my emotions balanced.

  1. He’s still not my man:

This guy is extremely special to me. At this point, there’s no way he can’t be. I honestly care about him and his well being. I’m not connecting with anyone else like I am with him.

But I still remind myself that while he’s kind, fun, and caring that he’s not my man. No matter how good he makes me feel, at any given day, he could call me & tell me he’s no longer interested and/or he wants to pursue someone else seriously.

Let’s be real. Serial dating ain’t necessarily a competition but it kinda is. With this mindset, I don’t put all my eggs in one basket.

Ultimately, he’s not obligated cuz we’re not in a committed relationship. So I keep myself grounded and remember that.

2. We’re sharing moments…

I look at our interactions as a sum of pleasant moments. From my previous experience, expecting thangs to last forever or a long period of time isn’t healthy, until both have agreed that’s the nature of the relationship.

Enjoying where we are now allows me to be present. I don’t think about marriage or anythang deep; I’m thinking about the pleasure we give each other right now.

It gives me a barrier of protection that I will prolly always need. If we stopped talking today, I ain’t gon’ say it wouldn’t sting a lil bit cuz it would. But I wouldn’t be devastated. I don’t have an expectation of forever; I have one for right now.

I’m glad we care for one another, but it doesn’t feel heavy or too deep. We’re still able to create a great environment without any pressure.

3. Keeping my options open…

I am still a serial dater. Obviously we have a bond & he has certain access to me that other men don’t but I’m still single. So I act that way.

I go on dates, have conversations, and still give my number out. Yes! I like someone & there’s a level of exclusivity but we are still single.

Now, I don’t be all over FB with it (we’re social media friends). I am careful about how I engage on my page out of respect. He’s a pretty cool man & I ain’t tryna be reckless. I genuinely care about him & I handle our connection with care.

4. Communication…

We have many intentional conversations, which help manage expectations. Some of those have been slightly difficult for me, but they’ve helped me with establishing boundaries & sticking to them.

We are both able to say what’s not working & what we need to realign. Sometimes those conversations get a lil heated, lol, BUT we truly respect one another & keep the main thang, the main thang and that’s understanding.

What I love about him is that he will table a conversation that seems to be getting out of a hand. While I hate it in the moment, it works out. We’re able to come back and maintain our integrity and respect for our connection.

5. I mind my damn business!

I don’t ask him bout other bishes cuz I’m so in my own world that I don’t give a damn. I’m only worried bout us. I know he dates other women. Hell, I date other men. But I also know we obviously connect on a level that allows us to really vibe out.

Now, if I started to feel like a nigga wasn’t handlin’ me right cuz of the other women he’s dealing with I would have a problem. But I don’t so I just operate in the capacity I choose to & enjoy my benefits.

6. I didn’t assign him a role in my life he didn’t want

Often times, I have made the mistake of allowing people to operate in high positions in my life & they either didn’t understand or want the responsibility.

But with him I had an intentional conversation about what I wanted and expected from him. I made sure he was comfortable with it. All I need is to be cared for, honesty, respect, and prioritized. Essentially, just like me and treat me like you do.

Overall, I chose to share energy with someone who is kind. I didn’t have to wait on him to be that way or do anythang to get this side of him (I.e. spend money, chase him, or be manipulated). Being kind is just who he is. So that makes this experience extremely pleasurable and something I look forward to.

When you both manage expectations, it’s more of ease and a better flow. We really vibe out.

Being able to share energy with someone and not feel like I’m being taken advantage of means the world to me. It makes reciprocating that much more effortless.

I feel cared for, protected, desired, and important. At this time, that’s all I need.

I don’t know where this will eventually go. I do know that we’ll always be friends and will continue to create moments of pleasure with one another.

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