‘Cuz I’m my own soulmate/I know how to love me/ I’m always gon’ hold me down
I’m no relationship expert. As I get wiser, I don’t even subscribe to the idea that there are true relationship experts. As a matter of fact, we need more life experts—focusing on self actualization. Once we figure out our highest potential, we are better to ourselves and everyone else. Which actually brings me to my point, be your own soulmate. F-k looking for one.
Welp, if you are a regular reader, you know I have essentially documented my process of healing from a traumatic relationship. While unpacking and sharing these lessons, I realized that the love I thought I had for myself wasn’t healthy enough. It manifested in many ways.
I came to this conclusion, we not only have to love ourselves but we have to be our own soulmate. Love ourselves on a soul level—not this surface level ish.
We spend so much time looking for our karmic soulmate, and not enough time becoming our own strongest lover.
We’re always thinking about marriage, kids, and a family. But, don’t put that much thought into self improvement. Outside of degrees, cars, and a house—we truly fail at working on towards being our best selves.
I truly feel this is why, when we do get into relationships, we are not able to sustain them or we stay & are unhappy because both parties are operating at somewhat of a mediocre level. No one has a gutted out the BS. So, no one really truly loves themselves to a healthy degree. Instead it’s a sum of half ass intentions that crash and burn. All because we haven’t taken the time to groom ourselves to the core.
Since I began to do some soul work, I started to feed the environment I wanted for myself & become my own soulmate.
Here is what it looks like:
DIY projects: Before, I wasn’t into DIY projects. But, these days, I’m doing thangs outside of my trauma—creating new experiences. So, I’m currently making a few pieces for my private patio; creating my own body scrubs & hair products; and also home decor. This may seem simple because it is. But, it allows me to really determine what I actually like. I spent enough years saying what I didn’t enjoy. Now is the time to actually develop what I do.
Twerk Meditation: I absolutely love to shake my ass & trap music. So, I stand in the mirror and ‘make dat fabric bounce.’ This helps me to feel sexy, powerful, and channel my ‘bad bish’ energy.
Candles galore: First of all, I am so into candle magick. But, outside of that, I have been going to Dollar Tree and buying these soy based stress relief candles. I mean, they’re only $1 and I burn them almost daily to create an ambiance to support my vibe.
Makeover: I dyed my hair, no longer wear it in my traditional fro. I switched it up and still learning new styles. I have lost 42 pounds and counting; cook differently; more intentional about what I eat. I am also doing a complete wardrobe overhaul. I am not interested on looking how I used to—at all. On my new ish!
New experiences: I have signed up or added to my to do list a few thangs I can enjoy by myself—wine tastings, hiking, silent R&B party, and exploring the city. I have to get out and do new thangs to truly understand the new person I am. Life is more than what I’ve known. It is whatever I make it.
Self love meditation: This goes with the twerk meditation because I admire my curvy bawdy, while doing so. But, I just started to sleep with my Rose Quartz crystal, which fosters self love. I will also be meditating with it for a few minutes a day, since I already carry it in my bra sometimes. I’m also doing a sexy boudoir photoshoot for my bday. It’s gon’ be HAWT!
Skincare regimen: I’ve always been into my skincare. But, I’m more intentional about it these days. I make my own scrubs and now I’m looking to make my own soap, hair gel, and a few other thangs. This fosters intentional self love for me and I make myself feel extra special.
Therapy: Yes! None of any of the above would mean anything, if I didn’t unpack my trauma. Yes! I’ve been hurt but now I’m hopeful, happy, and healing. In order to truly lean in, I gotta do the work and address thangs that could eventually be a blockage.
Since becoming intentional about this, the Universe has sent me a few suitors that reflect more of my future instead of my past. So, the trauma part of me isn’t manifesting because I manage that side of me these days. I truly am manifesting healthier relationships with people who reflect my emotional growth because that’s what I focus on cultivating.
So, while unpacking your trauma, create a tangible self love routine that makes you look and feel good on the outside, just as you do on the inside. It all starts with the soul and glows outwardly.
“Bad bish in the mirror—like—yeah, I’m in love.”
*Turns up Soulmate—Lizzo*