Well, a bih obviously ain’t sad no mo. With a #1 Kindle Amazon Best Seller – Girl, Keep Going: Healing is now in Session, career booming, growth still happening it is a lil’ hard to be. You’ve followed me through my hurt, despair, pain and now my upcoming book tour. It’s only right I open up a bit more about my dating experiences, since I have more of an understanding about who I am and what I’m looking for.
Well, if you follow me on FB, you awready know I don’t do broke ni88as at all–none at all. Chile, after my last experience, of dealing with a man who had a broken mentality, among other thangs, it had a traumatic impact. I ended up being responsible for a human being, as though I had a child, and that was not what I was looking for.
This ‘hold a man down’ mentality is what blurs this line. Some men appreciate the help and use it to their advantage to better themselves and the relationship. Some just scheme, scam, and use you for their own personal gain. So, y’awl can have alluhdat ish.
Just to be clear, what I mean by ‘broke’ is a man who is used to lack and won’t actually work himself out of it. Someone who would rather others break their backs so he can be comfortable, won’t accept accountability, and believe he is entitled to your money. This grown child has no plan other than using you or anyone else to get what he needs at the moment. All he does is take. This person takes so much he doesn’t know when you’re giving. Again, no plan. Just literally winging his entire life, the age of 30+. Because of this you foot the bill–dates, vices, emergencies, and all. He has nothing but a lot of ideas but nothing in motion. That’s why I don’t want to date another ‘broke’ ni88a.
As a woman who can pay what I weigh (I’m a big guhl, lmao), I have no mo’ room for exceptions or understanding. At this point, if you can’t match my lifestyle or be even better, then we can’t do anythang but engage on social media posts.
Here is why:
- Mindset: Majority of the people who are struggling but have no other reason than being lazy I absolutely can’t do anything for them type of folk. For me, my biggest struggles were when I was in college, and after I left corporate two start my own business. Both of these sacrifices clearly paid off. For context, I struggled by choice so I could ultimately live the life I wanted to. But, when I meet people who just lollygagging and being mediocre, I stay clear. Not necessarily because I think I’m better but because I don’t have the capacity to introduce or even teach someone how to live a better life. That’s what you do for kids and most of the time, these people are not interested in living better but they want better. That’s it–they only want but lack the inspiration, motivation, and discipline to do so. At a certain age, people are just who they are. No matter how you feel they can become and do better, if they’re not investing in themselves, there’s nothing you can do. The amount of time, energy, and investment that I have committed to in the past was all a waste. I’ve learned that if a person isn’t investing in they’re future, you shouldn’t invest in them neither. I mean, if they don’t care, they won’t care about what you do. Sure, they’ll be excited or even show appreciation but that doesn’t always translate to them living better. So this is why I don’t date ‘potential.’Tried that before and it gave me PTSD.
- Energy: In my 20’s, I put myself through enough hurt and struggle, I don’t have the energy to put forth so much energy into a person that I have to ‘change’ their mindset. Let’s be real, no one can change anyone. You can be THHHEEE best thang to happen to them, but if they’re not ready to change, your greatness won’t be appreciated. Being with someone that isn’t accustomed to a fruitful life or one of ease, is almost like torturing yourself. They fight you on every single thang. It could be the simplest task and they just gotta fight you on it. OR, they think you’re magically capable of fixing their life and solving their problems with no participation from themselves. Essentially, you’re fighting energy that you may not convert because some people are so used to being losers that they don’t know when they’re winning. I’m convinced that some people just don’t grasp certain concepts and their vantage points won’t allow them to see the bigger picture.
- Something new: Honestly, I want something new. I’m not even dating the same hood ass dudes I used to. Choosing better meant I had to become better and had to realize why I chose to give my all to someone who didn’t even understand life enough to cherish what was being offered. All of that struggling, arguing, managing his insecurities, dimming my light, and etc is just too much. When you date these broken men, you lose yourself because you want them to be comfortable. When they should rise to the top so they can become comfortable and be their best. I’m just not in the mood to struggle with a man to prove my love anymore. I’m just simply tired.
Ultimately, I know nothing is every exclusive and all thangs are not inclusive. I’m sure there is probably some man who works at Wal Mart or a warehouse with an active plan to craft a better lifestyle. But, I’ve been taken advantage of to the point that I still won’t look his way. I can’t afford to give him the benefit of a doubt because that was mistreated and I ended up almost losing my mind.
I’m not saying men with money don’t have issues. But I am saying that it appears they may be a bit healthier. They’re more established so they’re not grouchy. I mean, I would get cursed out for saying, “Good morning.” Who wants to live like that? NOBODY. Men who are secure with themselves don’t mind their woman shining in all of her greatness. They actually love that shat and encourage it.
Black men are always saying how women only want them for their money, but when they don’t have any money, they act like the world is about to end and are grouchy as hell. Don’t let a woman make more than them and actually hold them down. Then, the man mad cuz you can do stuff he can’t. Girl, it’s just too much.
Let’s be real–YOU NEED MONEY TO LIVE. All of this, ‘money ain’t everythang rhetoric is a lie.’ Yeah, it’s cute but without money other stress factors are added and you can’t even enjoy your person. Even if money is there, that person may be jealous of you cuz it ain’t their money. People need their own money. Simply be self-sufficient.
To each their own. But I ain’t messing with no broke man ever again in life. They are a liablity. At this point, I only need assets. These men want you to understand them right into your demise. Chile, puh-leze! As a matter of fact, if you’re a man reading this and you disagree, go back to ya mammy’s house cuz you in da way, bruh!
I am crafting a lifestyle of freedom, flexibility, pleasure, peace, and financial security. If you can’t add to that and not currently living majority of what I mentioned, especially that money part, then we can’t do a thang together. Call me bougie, Hollywood, or whatever you want. But one thang you won’t call me is ‘struggle.’ Nope–not at all! Been there and I ain’t going back!