Might bend it ova/Love you like Sosa
Suuusssss, it’s been a while but yo girl back on the dating scene, and I am actually ‘dating,’ while enjoying the journey of finding out what I actually like.
Back in the gap, I was never a serial dater. No matter how hard I tried, I would only vibe with one dude and keep the others in my back pocket like lose change. These days, every last one of ‘em are in my back pocket. I’m building a roster.
Since not only loving myself but redefining what self love is to me and cultivating that experience, the Universe has sent me suitors who reflect just that.
These are alpha men who are emotionally mature. They are refined hood neegas who’ve had their fair share of struggles, charges, and etc. But, they actually did the work to have more out of life and not sit around blaming others.
No more of the raw and uncut version for me, they are too much of a liability. But, a refined brotha who is multi-dimensional is what I am getting.
From business owners, Grammy nominated songwriter, business analysts to bomb inspection specialists, I am loving the variety.
Not to say these men don’t have drawbacks, but they do have some fundamental skills that are needed to work as a foundation, at least for *me*.
As I speak with them, I realize I never knew what I truly wanted out of a man. When it came to the important thangs like adulting and emotional intelligence, I just overlooked those areas. I guess I just assumed since I have the basics, at the very least, others should too. But, I quickly learned that the basics depend on one’s value system. Everything good or bad stems from what one truly values.
Since dating, I have learned a few thangs. Here are some I want to share:
•Men can actually act like adults:
I was surprised at how upfront these men are/were. There are emotionally intelligent men who may not want a relationship, but they’re not tryna string you along. The level of emotional intellect is so damn sexy!
They actually communicate—no hot & cold shit. The disappearing act is non-existent. A beech ain’t had to prompt or encourage to do basic shit like have compassion, show interest, be consistent, or just even considerate—which is appreciated.
•Successful men want successful women:
We always talk about how men need to have their shit together. These men feel the exact same way about women. One of my friends—a social worker and currently opening up his own shelter for drug addicts—even says he could not date a woman who worked at a warehouse or a plant. For him, he needs her to at least be in school, working towards something better.
Understanding if they want her to be at a certain level, they also must have their shit together. Certain people cultivate certain networks. Men don’t feel bad for it. Why should women? Besides, men sometimes have these unrealistic expectations but fail to meet them. But, expect someone else to.
•Ain’t no 50/50, bih:
I have a few men I am getting to know, and all of them feel less than a man if their woman paid fifty percent on all bills. While talking, one asked me, “How am I a man and expect my woman to give me submission, if I cannot provide a sustainable and secure environment? No woman submits to anything they don’t feel comfortable with.” He went on to add that she just needs to pay utilities and the car insurance.
As alpha men, they pride themselves on being able to provide. Anything else is unacceptable. I was impressed to hear this. Y’awl awready know how those conversations go on FB, lmao!
•Men understand women—kinda:
Well, maybe not 100% but we ain’t from the land of the unknown. Basically, the general consensus is that men and women have to allow one another to operate within their role.
For example, women are emotional. To expect a woman to not be emotional is unreasonable. That’s how we’re designed. So, there will be times that we will express our concerns, and our mate should understand that.
At the same time, women must understand that men are not as emotional as women. So, sometimes it may seem like he’s not passionate enough or doesn’t care, even if he does. That’s a man being his true self.
The importance is growing to become better and allowing room for one to become better. We must hold space for one another in that regard.
•I enjoy serial dating:
For me, this works because I don’t have time to get attached to one person. Between multiple date nights and conversations, I’m not sitting around waiting on one or the other to call me.
I’m able to keep my boundaries and still have a pleasurable dating experience.
Essentially, I’m just getting my feet wet and becoming clear on what I want. It’s so refreshing to understand that what I ask for, require, and desire isn’t unreasonable. These men have done their fair share of fvck boy BS. But, at the age of 30+, they really got the fundamental ish down and are showing up to continue the evolution. I appreciate it.
Anyhoo, I’ll put y’awl in my business, once I determine who I like and why.