Listen, I know that you are reading this and thinking, “La’Janee’, what?” But, Yes! I really do mean ‘be bitter,’ and here’s why.
Bitterness is a natural emotion and should be explored as such. To think that you invested time in a relationship, friendship, or lost a loved one and you’re expected to feel everything but bitterness is denying yourself of embracing your emotions.
In order to heal, you first have to know what you’re healing from and why it’s there in the first place. While you’re categorizing and coming face-to-face with the ugliest of feelings and emotions, you probably will become bitter. Hell, I don’t think there’s anyway around it.
I know some folks like to believe that they’re above human nature and have everything figured out, but that’s a lie. We all become bitter after a traumatic loss.
For me, I was bitter, broken, and infuriated. I couldn’t believe that all of the love that I gave didn’t mean a damn thang, when it came time to hold up for our relationship. All the money I spent, sacrifices I made, submission I honored, and the space I created for my ex for it to not work out, you are right I was bitter. It was unreasonable and unfair. I just couldn’t understand why there was no empathy on his part or why God felt like this was necessary.
So, I sat in my feelings and I honored them by being true to myself, and one of those feelings was bitterness. Let me tell you something, you won’t get anywhere by not honoring your feelings, not speaking your truth, and going mum. Instead you’ll live a life of misery and full of half-truths, being agitated because you’re not able to honor your true feelings.
Listen, stop letting these faux people on social media with these memes dictate to you how you should feel and what to do with your feelings, if it means denying who your are and what happened to you.
The beauty in being bitter is recognizing that you’re human, you’re honest, and you understand why you’re feeling the way you are. The problem isn’t in bitterness; the problem is staying there.
Once you realize you are carrying this heavy energy, here are a few things you can put in place:
- Make a decision to let it be: For me, I blocked contact and didn’t call him. I returned his bday gift, canceled plans to NBA All Star Weekend, and leaned into this journey. This is what letting it be looked like, in my world, at that time. No going back and forth, no more pleading with him. I just took my feelings and honored them. Had I been still in contact with him, I’m not sure if I would be where I am today.
- Take responsibility for changing your mood: In the beginning, this will be excruciating because it requires so much work. Remember I said healing is rewarding but also exhausting. For me, changing my mood meant changing certain songs, unfollowing certain people on FB, and becoming aware. The more I was able to point out what triggered my bitterness I was able to work through that feeling.
- Shift your focus: Many times, we make our significant other our sole purpose in life. It’s almost like we forget we have a life outside of them. For me, I worried so much about my relationship working that I stopped taking care of myself. So, when we broke up, I had to find another way to shift the energy I was giving him and reapply it to my life. This meant I would spend more time learning how to show myself the healthier love I deserved, which…
Thank you for reading! I will be sure to post the link whenever Amazon stops holding my ish hostage, lmao!
P.S. Checkout the playlist, in the meantime. Click here