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New Relationships 

Do Not Disturb: Your Friends Can’t Carry Your Cross

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We all love our friends. I mean, they could be some really great people. But, sometimes having friends can be draining. Not because they’re dead weight or cause problems but sometimes they don’t consider if you have the capacity to assist.

At some point, we all should be mindful of how many conversations we have about the same ol’, same ol’. 

We all have a cross to carry and sometimes there’s no capacity for anyone to help you carry yours, especially if you’re choosing to drag a burden.

These past few weeks, I haven’t really talked to many people. For one, I’m knee deep in projects, focused on doing soul work, and I just really want a bit of solitude.

One reason why I’ve been to myself is because I don’t have the capacity to really help anyone carry their cross at the moment. Outside of articles and inspirational posts, I don’t have any other advice to offer.

My life is changing in front of my eyes. Getting guidance for myself & giving guidance to others can be overwhelming, especially when most people who want it don’t bother to check in, after their problem is solved. For me, I’ve decided to just take a break from being available to people, outside of social media.

It has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to be friends with anyone or being mad but everything to do with preserving my energy for myself. After all, I’m building a brand new life. Everything I knew is no more. I need all of my energy.

At this age and after what I’ve been through, I just don’t have the tolerance level as I used to.

Some people would literally call you and start talking about their day, bad moments, and shortcomings & not even ask if you have the capacity to listen. They won’t even ask how you’re doing.

Now, I know we’ve all been guilty of this. When you’re going through something, you just want to be relieved of the feelings. So, you reach out to those few people who keep you grounded, not considering that they have their own shit to handle. Ask them how they’re doing and if they need anything.

I’m not saying don’t reach out to people for guidance. But, what I am saying is be mindful of how many times you reach out about the same thang & if you’re being the same friend they are to you.

Here are a few thangs to prevent from wearing your friend out:

•Capacity Check:

Before you start to tell them about your problems, ask if they have the capacity to listen. You may call at the wrong time and they don’t have the ability to help, at the moment.

If they don’t have the capacity, respect that and let them call you back, when they can be there for you.

•Check-in:

If you call me only when you need #girlkeepgoing advice, I will stop answering your calls. Listen, we got our own shit & folks really ain’t tryna be your sounding board. That’s inconsiderate & rude as hell. 

Call your ‘friends’ to talk about light hearted shit sometimes—trips, outfits, make-up, homemade hot wangs, or something. Talking about men & broken hearts all the damn time becomes annoying. How can we get better if that’s all we talk about?!

•Return the favor:

When your friend calls you or needs you for anything, show up. I’ve noticed that a lot of people ain’t available, until they wanna cry on yo’ shoulder—NOPE! Again, that sounds rude & inconsiderate. What kinda friend are you?

•Balance:

Friends should be able to talk about anything & keep it that way. But, reciprocate the actions & learn to not always focus on the heavy shit. It’s tiresome.

I personally reach out to my friends—texts or calls. I also inbox a few people I’ve formed relationships with social media & they do the same. That little bit goes a very long way.

We are all tryna figure life out & we cannot do it alone. But, don’t forget your friends are tryna survive too.

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