Choosing yourself? Be prepared to be alone.
When you decide to leave a situation, remember there will always be a shift. Often times, we forget that no matter how dysfunctional comfortability is, there’s still comfort within the situation.
We get accustomed to routines and the presence of other people. Before you know it, your lives are intertwined and when you make a decision to walk away, separation anxiety happens.
Now, you’re uncomfortable and second guess your decision. Because choosing yourself shouldn’t feel so bad, right? Wrong. Choosing yourself sucks ass, until it doesn’t.
I know we like to romanticize cutting folks off, moving on, and becoming our own best friend. But, that sh#t doesn’t feel good. Since when did finding yourself again, because of a failed friendship or relationship, actually feel exciting?
Being by yourself all of the time, depending solely on yourself for everything, and a loss of intimacy of companionship doesn’t feel good. That hurts. It feels empty.
Remember why you chose yourself and why that person wasn’t healthy for you. Think about getting to your happiness that someone was hindering you from. It doesn’t mean you two weren’t in love. It just means you couldn’t afford to love yourself and the other person too. Some people cost too much to be with and I’m not talking about financially.
Don’t give up though! Moment-by-moment you will get better, stronger, and become happier. The heavy cloud will begin to ascend and you’ll find yourself smiling again and enjoying life.
Eventually will come eventually. But, until it does, find comfort in knowing you chose yourself. Because until happiness comes, there won’t be too much to keep you going.
Personally, I don’t regret my decision to end my relationship. But, I will admit that sometimes I wonder if the grief is worth it. Then, I realized how much of me wasn’t loved, accepted, or understood, which makes it easier. But, it doesn’t take the pain away.
If this is what’s required to love myself more; find someone who is committed to the growth of our relationship; and has a healthy plan for our love—this is necessary for me—in order to fully be loved and appreciated.
Eventually comes eventually… Girl, keep going.