I have learned a lot about myself, while living in Cali. While I moved out here to advance my career, I had no idea that I would transform into a more self aware version of who I am.
Sure, we all learn new thangs daily, but not all of what we learn actually transforms us.
If you know me personally, you know I have lived in MS, TN, MO, FL, GA, and now Cali. I am well traveled and have seen a lot of thangs. But, SoCal is extremely different.
Cali makes me wanna become better, live life easier. It gives me a type of zen I’ve never had before.
When a friend asked me what’s the difference between the places I lived, I started to think. While I love the South, I’ve never had this much clarity, living there.
After we got off the phone, I started to think deeper. I realized that I became so accustomed to trauma that it was normal for me to deprive myself of thangs I truly needed.
Being on the West Coast, gives me freedom to explore a new version of myself. A version that is learning not to make decisions based on my traumatic experiences.
•It was normal for me to be sad.
•It was normal for me to have anxiety.
•It was normal for me to become depressed.
•It was normal for me to be accustomed to making a lot, out of a little.
•It was normal for me to deprive myself, of what I needed to thrive.
•It was normal for me to be emotionally UNfulfilled.
•It was normal for me to over extend myself to please the one I love.
•It was normal for me to not ever consider myself first & risk it all for another.
•It was normal for me to *not* require reciprocation.
•It was normal for me to cheat myself out of what was rightfully mine & what I deserved.
•It was normal for me to accept trauma and try to build a life on that unstable foundation.
Being in Cali, opens my eyes to a lot of thangs that I normalized, and I simply don’t want to carry any of it anymore.
•Freedom to evolve.
•Freedom to thrive.
•Freedom to be happy.
•Freedom to heal.
•Freedom to become whole.
•Freedom to advocate for myself.
•Freedom to choose better.
•Freedom to release trauma.
•Freedom to love those who love me.
•Freedom to require more from those in my life.
•Freedom to place healthy boundaries.
•Freedom to make healthier decisions.
•Freedom to manifest differently.
•Freedom to explore new thangs—hiking for example.
•Freedom to know who I am, outside of heartache & pain.
•Freedom to love me & those around me better.
•Freedom to do & become better.
Being able to overcome hardships is commendable, but I don’t want my story to only be one of lack and pain.
I am more than a stream of tears & scars. I am the sun, moon, and the stars. I am full of good energy and positivity. I have inward and outward beauty. There’s no way that scarcity of emotional fulfillment, resources, love, and etc is my only storyline and it won’t be.
I am full of life, hearty laughs, manifesting healthy desires, grace & ease with a lot more flow.
Me not knowing who I am has never been a problem. I’ve just never known who I am, outside of trauma. I’m glad I am giving myself a chance to finally do so.