New Relationships 

Bitter Baby Momma’s and Yes, I’m Going There


I typically stay away from topics like this, but not today.  Ladies, get it together. I’m talking about the bitter Bettie’s.  The ones who do any and everything to keep the father out of their child’s life.  Not because they fear for the child’s safety, but because they are bitter, mad, angry and upset that man has chosen to move on with their life and be happy. That’s it!

They refuse to accept the fact that the relationship is done and over with  and spend all their lil energy trying to make life a living hell for the father . Running to child support asking for an increase every year, as if that’s going to bring him back. Let it go!  If you are going to be mad at him, be mad at yourself too, because the pregnancy was preventable. Stop saying you love your  child, you can’t. Not if you are purposely preventing them from seeing their parent who loves them as well. Somewhere along the line you forgot that it was not about you any longer. Stop throwing rocks then hiding your hand.

zealousness, bitter, angry, child support

Stop starting fights then crying victim when that person, who is well within their rights decides to protect themselves from your foolishness.   You  use your child as a tool and see no issue with it.  When your mood is better he can see the child;  when you’re in your feelings, he can’t.  Do better! Your child did  not ask to be here. Because of your bitterness  and selfishness you see no problem in passing that same measure of  bitterness on down to your child (ren). Why are you bringing your child into your emotional mess?

Commit to no longer using your child as a weapon.   When you start to get those  calls about your child being unruly in school and misbehaving, you have yourself partially to blame. The one male figure of authority the child had, you chose to purposely keep them away from.  That’s on you.

zealousness, bitter, angry, child support

If you are a man and are in this situation, I encourage you to seek legal counsel and establish a court ordered visitation / parenting plan.  Check with your local legal aid program to see if you qualify for free legal assistance.  If not, in some states the court offers a service whereby they will assist you with completing you paperwork for as little as 15 cents per minute.  You have options. Trying visiting the child at day care or during lunch at their school in order to maintain your bond.

Black, African, Woman, Excellence, Light

I truly get why some men stop trying to forge a relationship and just send in the child support. Some women make it so difficult for the man to part of their child’s life.

If this is you and you are tired of being bitter and want to do better, then commit to working on you. Stop lying to yourself and acknowledge that the relationship is over. Regardless if you get closure or not. Regardless if he cheated on you or not. Stop bringing your child into your emotional mess. Quit lurking on his page looking at his life with the new person, because you can’t handle it.   You’re hurting; be still and heal.

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20 Thoughts to “Bitter Baby Momma’s and Yes, I’m Going There”

  1. Pamela

    A lot of times single Mom’s get accused of being bitter when the feeling is justified. Yes it takes two to create a child, yes the partner that moved on is not dealing with the daily in and outs of the child’s life and maybe this is cause for resentment.
    So I say, mad Baby Mama’s claim your pain, utilize that energy into productive parenting and always try to do right by your children. Even if allowing visitation and such. From experience, out children will come to their conclusion of their fathers and some day choose for themselves how that relationship look.
    I do not condone foolishness but feel your feelings child.

    1. JanetMichelle

      Absolutely. Deal with your feelings, but be wise enough not to bring the child into it. It’s possible. At the end of the day it is about the children and not keeping them away from a loving and supportive parent. We must deal with our pain, no escaping that. Thanks for stopping bye.

  2. Shonda Woodie

    Going through with this I have experience to stay my distance and just feel sorry for the child because the parents cant get it together. At the begining I was hurt because my husband cheated on me and had a baby, but the sad part about it is that the woman had the baby out of spike and now neglect to care for the child properly because she thought that would break up our marriage she is really a bitter little girl with no directions in life and it shows with her pettiness. And the only one that is suffering is the child. I would file for custody but the drama is to great for me and I would not put my own life or the life of my children in jepoardy behind this… Sad part is both of them need to get it together for the child’s sake and I really dont see that happening

    1. JanetMichelle

      Wow, that is indeed a very sad situation. Through it all the child is often forgotten about. I too hope they both can get it together because it is the child that truly suffers. Thanks for stopping bye.

  3. Michelle

    I have been dealing with a bitter baby mama for about 6years. She portrays that she has changed through her social media and is Zen and about self love… but, I can not get over how she loves to say my husband and myself are the bitter ones. They have a 10year daughter and her mother tells her everything about everything that is said between my husband and her. She gets verbally aggressive with him when she decides to in public and make scenes. She is no longer able to come near our house for this same reason. Him and I have a 4year old daughter and I do not want her to witness this drama. She has no car, or stable home, she moved in with friends and they kick her out and she ends up back at her mothers house, she can’t hold a job, jumps from relationship to relationship. It’s very sad and unfortunate for their daughter. I can’t say anything to their daughter as far as making rules or boundaries with her because my husband gets an email from her Always stating for Me to mind my business. Lol
    At the end of the day We are the bitter ones
    Who can’t live without the dram and miserable
    That We are both fat losers
    And I am jealous of her and insecure.
    At the beginning of this journey i did feel like maybe I was insecure and jealous, but reading more and more into situations like these. Which I know I am not the first or going to be the last. It’s a lot more comforting that I am not the crazy one and so many women go through these exact or similar situations.

    1. JanetMichelle

      Wow! Six years is a long time to have to entertain another woman’s dysfunction. My hat goes off to you for not allowing it wear you or your relationship down, which in my opinion is always the goal. Continue to live life and enjoy it. You’re simply not responsible for her quality of life, physically or emotionally. Take care!

  4. Joy brown

    What if the father pops in and out when he gets ready? What if the father tells your child he’s going to do something and he don’t. But has an excuse each and every time. Which hurts our child’s feelings. Also what if the father doesn’t pay child support. How do you go about that?

    1. JanetMichelle

      The original post was directed towards father’s that want to be involved and take care of their children, but aren’t allowed contact because the mother makes it so difficult. In regards to the situation you described above, the child’s feelings may be hurt, but its up to the present parent to handle the situation accordingly. Maybe he’s coming when it’s most convenient. Does the child complain when he “pop’s in and out?” If the father tell’s the child he’s going to do something, but doesn’t use that as a teachable moment to the child about the importance of keeping ones word. The child has two parents and the present parent has to continue to provide regardless of the lack of support. Is this his only child or does he have previous children that he does not support as well? If its the latter, then sometimes we have to own up to our poor choice in selecting whom we choose to have children with.

      1. Joy brown

        He has other children. My child who is 9 was his first until she turned 1 then we found out he had a 3 yr old son he new nothing about. But trust me he was a good dad and provider. But since then he has had 2 more sons so 4 all together. Mine the only girl. We were together 11 years on & off. 5 of them he was in prison. He’s been home 2 1/2 years and he can’t get it together. He did the bare for mine when we were together no financiall help but I gave him the benefit of the doubt since he just came home, we would get the oldest son often. The other 2 he claimed moved out of town. Long story short now that we’re done. He feels like he can go to barber school, throw parties, smoke weed, ride around all day and not help me with nothing anymore mind you he’s 36. But if I was to say no when he pops up wanting to see his child or when it’s convenient. I’d be bitter. But a particular incident happened when he was supposed to take her skating and she called him and he said his car was broke yet we went to krogers and looks who rode by. She has her own cell phone. But when she doesn’t want to talk to him he blames me. SORRY I JUST SAID SO MUCH. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND. I don’t want to be labeled bitter bc I’m not. But sometimes I just want to block him for lying to her so much. An seeing him live life like it’s golden with no responsibilities makes me want to get child support.

        1. JanetMichelle

          Wow! That’s okay. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you’re upset that he seems to be “living the life” and getting his ish together while leaving you and the child behind. Bitter no, hurt and angry maybe. However, in life we can’t control what other people do. We can only control how we respond. He’s a grown man that’s fully aware of his responsibilities. You being angry and pointing out his imperfections, isn’t going to make him wake up and come around. Your children deserve all of your energy. Stop wasting it on him. Clearly he has moved on and it’s time for you to do the same. If he wants his legacy to be one of escaping his responsibilities then so be it! It’s no longer your problem. Have your daughter write a letter explaining how his absence affects her, mail it and let her words sit on his heart. Take care!

  5. Joy brown

    Thanks for the advice that’s exactly what I will do.

    1. JanetMichelle

      You’re welcome.

  6. Cheree Johnson

    Thank you for posting this article and discussion. It should be mandatory reading for any woman. We as women need to do better for ourselves and our children. It is all a CHOICE.

    1. JanetMichelle

      Thank you. You are absolutely right in that we have a choice in most things. Thanks for stopping by.

    2. JanetMichelle

      I agree Cheree, everything starts with a choice.Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Taylor

    Ladies ladies ladies I REPEAT DO NOT LET THESE WOMEN BREAK YOU. We have to be stronger than this I’m married 4 yrs in. Me and my husband have 3 kids and he has 3 outside of our marriage. Is it hard yes but, that baby momma of his has stressed my husband out to the point of no return. She says she wants her kids with their father. I came to her like a woman sat down talked about co parenting etc….. none of that works sooooooo what I do is continue to love and support my husband, block her out don’t feed in that drama. Keep the in laws out of this. Don’t be like them god does not pick and Choose who to love. So we we be more like him and his ways. Pray for them and keep it moving on with your life. We’re going through the fatherhood program. We’re gonna let them set up the visits. So we don’t have to deal with the drama. You have to trust in the lord and lean not on your own understanding. I let him fight my battles because I’m not letting anyone make my life mind spirit or heart change to their convenience. Thanks for posting this, I pray for all women going through this. We’re binding the enemy up and letting satin get behind thee. Ok you can do it, I can do it we got this. Be blessed to everyone you and your families.

    1. JanetMichelle

      Thanks for stopping by Taylor.

  8. calvin

    I have not been able to see my child I have been falsely accused of being an abuser, sperm donor, violent etc. by the mother of my child and her mother.

    I was unemployed at the time and had recently obtained a job at standard bank in June 2017 since that time I had not seen my baby for 6 months and as soon as Amanda Ketsekele and her family discovered I was working they ran to the courts to claim I have not been maintaining the baby at all. They wanted R2335.00 from me but I offered R1000.00 not that I have an issue with supporting my child I would love to actually give more to her but not forced by her and her family. When I went to the court for the maintenance summons the maintenance clerk did not want to hear anything I wanted to say and the ketsekeles claimed they are taking my baby to nursery when I was not notified of this at all actually I found out eventually that my daughter is not even going to nursery as when I requested for the registration papers they could not produce any.

    I applied for mediation a parenting plan, even access for my child but was only awarded from 9am to 6pm to see my child which is quite frankly unacceptable I have went everywhere to look for help in order to obtain contact with my child and nothing. Now they want to make a protection order against me in order to taint my image and get me arrested when I have not been violent at all. Im not to sure if you can assist me in anyway but I fear for my child’s well-being and feel really powerless as the mother of my daughter is playing victim and im just looking like an antagonist when the root of all these problem are her and her family interfering with me spending time with my child.

    1. JanetMichelle

      Wow! Stories such as yours are truly heartbreaking. I noticed you said that you have tried everything, does that include obtaining a lawyer to advocate on your behalf? Sometimes you have get someone that speaks the language of the courts. In some communities they have legal aid programs that work with individuals on a sliding scale and in some cases for free. It amazes me how parent’s only think of themselves and not the damage they are doing to the child. I truly wish you the best. I found this resource also http://www.fatherscustody.org.

  9. Kameko Daniel

    I came to this page because I am planning on starting a blog for myself and for this exact reason. I agree but not every story is like this. I got called a bitter baby mom and I personally can say keeping our child away from his father was never an issue. The way i treated his father was an issue and when he disagreed with me it was an issue. Every female is hurt by the fact their family couldn’t work out so we are naturally gonna search and keep asking questions on to why it didn’t. I can tell you now, mine didn’t because he wasn’t ready and even though he kept telling me he wasn’t his actions showed differently. I lived with this man we did everything, planned everything like we were one big happy family. But he still wanted to do what majority of men want to do, have multiple bitches. Yea i can say i was stupid in some sense but not all of it. Long story short. After not fighting for our family or even me, he got another girl pregnant 4 months after we parted and guess what she’s in the same boat as I was, the only thing about her is she chose to stay. Here the “bitter part” I haven’t met this woman a day in my life and when i tried to he said i couldn’t because i wasn’t ready. Yea you may be right but if our child is around this female, i have every right to know who she is. It’s to much shit going on in this world to not know whose around your precious seed. It had nothing to do with bitterness. I was bitter for so many things in his eyes but not once could he say “yo she keeping my child from me” . Every story is not the same and it’s always reasons behind why we act the way we act. You can’t just get over the hurt unless you really didn’t care. That’s my two cents lol I’m out!

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